Overcoming Dependency on Others: Co-Dependency
Co-dependency is defined as an obsessive need for affection, attention and affirmation. Co-dependent people get easily drawn into the pain and problems of others, feel a need to help people solve their problems while putting their own in the back burner, look outside themselves for meaning, identity and value, say yes when they mean no and tend to blame others for their own unhappiness, failures and frustrations.
Through childhood and adolescence, music and movies feed us co-dependent relationship ideals as romantic love, Christian ideals as service and care for others, cultural ideals as being a good mother, a caring wife, a good friend or just a “good” person that cares for other people’s needs more than for your own.
Curious whether you fall into the category of “co-dependent” versus that of just being a good person? Ask yourself the questions below:
* Do I feel responsible to help people solve their problems while ignoring my own?
* Do I look outside myself for meaning, identity and value?
* Do I say yes when I mean no?
* Do I tend to blame others for my unhappiness, failures and frustrations?
And getting a bit more specific:
* Do I always “have to do something” to help my partner?
* Do I feel burdened by the problems of my partner?
* Would I like to leave him and yet I do not dare to?
*Am I holding on to my partner even if he has repeated affairs or abandons me?
If you answer ‘yes’ to most of those questions, co-dependency is an issue.
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